Being selfless and kind is a wonderful way to be, but it can often cause us to be taken for granted and taken advantage of by some of life’s greedier people. Those of us who are people pleasers, that hate arguing and will give in to others quite easily end up leading a miserable life whereby decisions are made for us by other people and we don’t have the courage to stand up for ourselves and recognise our worth.
To learn to say no is a vital skill in life, and knowing how to go about it diplomatically and without causing offence is a real art form. People that are the happiest and get ahead in life know the importance of saying no, standing up for themselves and having a strong mind. Here are 5 possible signs that you are being used and taken advantage of.
1. People Talk About Themselves Too Much – The overuse of pronouns such as ‘me‘ and ‘I‘ that spew from certain people’s mouths may be a strong indicator that they are only out for themselves. Selfish people tend to care solely, or at least chiefly, for themselves and will steer every conversation and situation back to them. If someone is unwilling to compromise or include you in the subject matter then the likelihood is you are being used and manipulated.
2. Information Is Vague – When someone is trying to get something out of you, they will try to keep any of the details vague and unspecific. They don’t want you to have too much knowledge or information around a situation in case you wise up to the fact that you are going to be taken advantage of. Learn to say no to people who won’t give you the full picture and if you have any doubts, trust that there’s a reason for them.
3. They Are Full Of Broken Promises – Actions speak louder than words. If a person is able to sing your praises and assure you that you matter and that you are important, but fail to show this in anything they do, they are best avoided. A manipulative person can charm and sweet talk with ease, they know what strings to pull and what buttons to press to get you to do what they want you to do. Look at how a person behaves and how they treat others more so than the words that come out of their mouth.
4. Something Doesn’t Sit Right With You – As submissive as you are to other people’s demands, you still have a niggle or even a strong feeling that things aren’t right. Either you feel unhappy, you are starting to feel bitter and resentful, or you are starting to question why you agreed to something – whatever the case, you know that something isn’t right.
5. You Are Being Drained – As a rule of thumb, if you are putting more into something than you are getting out of it it is probably time to step away. If someone is taking advantage of your good nature and takes up too much of your time, undervalues you as a person and fails to put your needs first then do yourself a favour and say goodbye.
Those are just a few example of what to look out for if you think you are being used. The really important part is that once you recognise that this is the case, you prevent it from happening again and learn how to say no. To do this, start by cutting the people out of your life who want to take advantage of you, they are probably not good people to be around! This will make things easier as a decent person won’t expect you to do things for him or her.
Secondly, be assertive in how you handle others. Manipulators can sense weakness in others, once they know you are a pushover and easily controlled they will use this in their favour. Be strong and confident in how you present yourself and avoid phrases such as ‘I don’t think‘ or ‘I’m not sure‘ that leave things open to discussion. A clear and definite ‘no‘ is the only way to gain control of the situation.
The next time you don’t agree with someone or you don’t want to do something, find the strength and courage to share your feelings on the matter and then turn it down. The more you learn to say no, the easier it gets.