What Does Being a People Pleaser Entail
“In trying to please all, he had pleased none.” ― Aesop, Aesop’s Fables
A testimony of a 23 year old woman.
Are you afraid of taking actions that could anger others? Does your life revolve around making others happy, in spite of creating your own happiness? Are you a people pleaser?
Ever since I was little, I was conditioned into being polite, into keeping silent when my words and opinion could go against the ones of others. I grew up afraid of being rejected by the ones around me and I never wanted to be a burden. Pleasing others and making them happy went before my own happiness.
Growing up, I did not really feel the burden of being a people pleaser. However, after my 20s, I got to a stagnant point in my life. I felt like my happiness was fake; I was a successful and seemingly loved person, but I was miserable inside. By being focused only on pleasing others, I forgot who I really was. I hid my feelings and my interests; I wore a mask. And I began questioning if wearing this heavy mask was truly worth it. Here is how I changed that.
Where It All Begins
Ignoring the urge of pleasing others can be difficult. You change who you are based on what others wish you to be. But getting to know yourself – that can be even harder. It requires you to analyze your true feelings, and getting into arguments with people in order to protect those feelings. Speaking up can be hard, and not everyone has a strong voice that can be heard easily. We must begin our introspective journey by understanding this concept.
… Is it worth it? Is your own happiness worth what other people can give you while pretending you agree with them? I struggled with this question for a long time; I knew what one possibility entailed, but the other was unbeknownst to me. There were no concrete examples of what would happen once I stopped being a people pleaser, because I had never stopped being one in the first place. I took a blind plunge in the unknown, and I took a chance.
Get To Know Yourself
The results were amazing. My life, up until that point, had been filled of what others wanted me to be. Once I took a step back, I found out that there was a void where I once stood. I finally had time to dedicate to things that truly mattered to me; it was like discovering myself anew. I took up new hobbies, and made new friends that could accept me just the way I was.
A New Beginning
Giving up being a people pleaser was not easy. It can get you closer to be you you are, but it can create distance between you and others. I found out that new friends can fill that void, friends that can appreciate you for who you really are. And that are close to you, even when you are honest, and express your opinions, even if you they do not agree. If you get to know yourself better, all the hard work will be rewarded and your life will be more fulfilling in the end.
Take a chance. Stop pleasing others, and learn to love yourself. Because your happiness can bring so much more positivity into this world than just being a bystander that takes no decisions.